You try to write a joke about the U.S. Navy being “too intimidated” to capture those big, bad, fiberglass outboard-powered drug boats — you know, the ones running on lawnmower engines and vibes — but then reality steps in and writes something better.
Apparently the Navy’s standard operating procedure now is: See fast boat → panic → blow it up → hope nobody asks questions. All hands lost, problem solved, paperwork minimal.
Meanwhile, Little Sister Coast Guard didn’t get the memo.
They stroll out there in their white hulls, sunglasses on, probably listening to classic rock, and say: “Hey, is that a massive oil tanker violating sanctions?” Then they just… take it. No shots. No explosions. No Hollywood soundtrack. Just: “Sir, we’re boarding your ship now.” And the Venezuelan captain — what, was he smoking a joint the size of a flare gun? — basically shrugs and lets them.
You can’t even parody this anymore. The Navy vaporizes fishing boats like they’re the Death Star, and the Coast Guard arrests an entire tanker crew like they’re checking fishing licenses.
When the joke becomes more realistic than the real event, satire just packs up and goes home.
Could it be, Trump wants the Oil and there wasn’t any Drugs?
U.S. Navy is “too intimidated” so they have to KILL THEM ALL
You try to write a joke about the U.S. Navy being “too intimidated” to capture those big, bad, fiberglass outboard-powered drug boats — you know, the ones running on lawnmower engines and vibes — but then reality steps in and writes something better.
Apparently the Navy’s standard operating procedure now is:
See fast boat → panic → blow it up → hope nobody asks questions.
All hands lost, problem solved, paperwork minimal.
Meanwhile, Little Sister Coast Guard didn’t get the memo.
They stroll out there in their white hulls, sunglasses on, probably listening to classic rock, and say:
“Hey, is that a massive oil tanker violating sanctions?”
Then they just… take it.
No shots.
No explosions.
No Hollywood soundtrack.
Just: “Sir, we’re boarding your ship now.”
And the Venezuelan captain — what, was he smoking a joint the size of a flare gun? — basically shrugs and lets them.
You can’t even parody this anymore.
The Navy vaporizes fishing boats like they’re the Death Star, and the Coast Guard arrests an entire tanker crew like they’re checking fishing licenses.
When the joke becomes more realistic than the real event, satire just packs up and goes home.
Could it be, Trump wants the Oil and there wasn’t any Drugs?
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