Robin the Hood

If he needs to be Robin Hood, he will be. After all, the peasants have been abused over and over again by those commies — the Bidens and Obamas and their SNAP benefits and Medicaid. And let’s not forget school lunches.

Robin will protect you, as only Robin can, in his little green tights. Maybe that’s the problem, lack of blood flow to the thinking region.

Poor Robin Hood, he could succeed in helping you, if only all those horrible left-wing commies didn’t use the law to stop him. Meanwhile, back at the tenements, have you seen the digs poor Robin goes home to every weekend? Horrible. Just horrible. All those golf courses.

What was Robin good at again? That’s right, stealing from the rich and giving the spoils to the poor. Doesn’t seem like he’s doing much stealing these days, though. Maybe that wedgie’s slowing him down.

It looks a lot more like the rich are throwing money at our poor Robin. Cash, lots of cash. Poor Robin, getting buried in it. Bewildering, really. Why would all these super-rich people make such generous contributions to Robin of Mar-a-Lago?

Why would they gladly pay millions of dollars for a McDonald’s hamburger and fries, when they could’ve just gone to Five Guys for fifteen bucks? I wonder why.

Poor Robin had spent time in the Middle East before returning to fight the good fight for you. Of course, for you. And an Eastern prince saw the shoddy plane poor Robin had to fly around in and gave him a $400 million replacement. Just from the goodness of his oil-laden heart. Just so our Robin might remember the kindly prince with good thoughts. Nothing else.

Robin the Hood, sacrificing so much for the people, 24-7. Yes, 24-7, except for the twelve hours on Truth Social telling you how much he’s stealing from you (scratch that, from the rich), the three hours for the McDonald’s breakfast special, gotta keep the energy up, and the four-hour nap during those pesky cabinet meetings. So boring. Government business, you know. So boring, and they just praise me so much, so boring, good time to sleep.

Sacrificing himself to the burden of having to thank each and every rich donor with a kind thought and a fast-tracked monopoly merger, or drug approval, or a friend’s pardon. Nothing questionable. Maybe 600 tons of cocaine. Nothing questionable at all. Nothing any honorable Hood wouldn’t do.

But Robin the Hood did it all for you. Sacrificed it all for you. Spent all those miserable hours wondering why golf balls and bows don’t play well together, so much to do, he sacrificed almost every weekend analyzing the problem. After all, when it comes down to Medicaid or the eighteenth green, is there really anything to choose between?

So here we have famous Robin the Hood, receiving so very, very much from the rich, notice I left out the word “stealing”? And is he giving to the people? Health benefits, food benefits, education, housing credits?

Never. If he did that, he’d be labeled a radical left communist, and we can’t have that. Have to maintain the image. Besides, those communists would want an income tax, you know, that thing you pay every year, on the oligarchs, the super-rich, the ones whose immense wealth came from you, in one way or another.

No, our Robin the Hood only knows how to take. He never learned the meaning of the word “give.”

Why does he keep sending me emails asking me to support his efforts? As if I’ve gotten rich from his generosity, instead of running on half a tank. But if I do, I’ll get a real GOLD medal, emailed to me. And we all know what a GOLD medal in an email is worth. Don’t we?