They’re eating the dogs and cats. Can you believe some fool actually said that on national television, and said it with a straight face, no less? At least he didn’t say they were using Portland ketchup or homemade fries to go with it. Isn’t that just the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard? Heck, you may have even seen it yourself.
On top of that, this stand-up comedian was then elected President of the United States. Can you believe that?
Laughter from the audience is acceptable. It was a good delivery. But maybe a little too close to home for some in the crowd.
Well, I can’t get paid as a political commentator, and it doesn’t look like I’ll make it as a comedian either. So what do I do instead?
If I were to toot my own little horn, I’d say that instead of eating my dogs, I do a pretty darn good job of feeding them. You see, I actually love my four-legged critters, and when they get old and die, I die a bit inside myself. So when one of my Golden Retrievers died of cancer at nine , maybe eight or nine years ago now, I went on a mission. A nutrition mission.
Spoiler alert: this isn’t about Putz or politics anymore, so you can leave now if you’re disappointed. It’s about family. Maybe it’s about America too, in its own way, but that’s the last I’ll say on that subject. Promise. Maybe.
We’ve had Jack Russells and Golden Retrievers for a long, long, long time. They pair well together. And the Jack is leaving us any day now, so I’m feeling a bit nostalgic.
But this is about Max, the Golden before, and cancer. After Max died at nine, I started researching dog food, and the rest here is my opinion, not scientific fact.
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Okay, the rest you can figure out and scale to your own needs and budget, but here’s my recipe. It’s not cast in stone, availability shifts with the season, farmers markets, canning season. I only do this two and a half times a year, usually buying from the Chef Store (formerly Cash & Carry, I’m sure you’ve got a wholesale food outlet near you) and WinCo. Just ask for the butcher, tell them what you’re doing. They’ll go out of their way for you.
40 pounds chicken hindquarters (Chef Store, comes in a 40-pound frozen package)
2 pork butts, boned out
2 whole beef hearts (I get these at WinCo)
15 pounds beef trimmings or chuck roll
5 pounds beef liver
5 pounds frozen spinach (remember Popeye)
10 pounds green beans
10 pounds peas
5 pounds broccoli
15 pounds beets
15 pounds carrots
15 pounds sweet potato
I didn’t start at this level. First I cleaned out the fridge and freezer, then added this, then that, using a KitchenAid with a grinder attachment. Then I bought a meat grinder at Cabela’s and quickly returned the overheated toy. Settled on a ¾ HP LEM. Then tried this, tried that. I mix it all in a 60-gallon plastic stock tank that lives in the garage, the same one that holds all the misc. bags and storage containers, plus a 36-quart aluminum stock pot, until it’s ready to portion and freeze.
As for my dogs: the old Jack Russell, well, she’s still old, still dying, and still loved. She’s on a special kidney prescription diet now. You do what you can do.
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Win two: the volume you feed them drops, a lot. Check the back of a kibble bag, how many cups, how many times a day, and how much poop are you picking up because of it? One quart of my stuff feeds the Jack and the Golden for two days. Yes, that’s not a typo. Two days. Breakfast is a half-cup of kibble for the Jack and a cup and a half for the Golden. And I still have to keep an eye on whether they’re getting overweight. If that doesn’t show you how little actual nutrition is in that bag, I don’t know what will.
It’s a win-win.
One last parting Trump bash: what kind of sicko would say they’re eating the dogs, with a straight face, in a presidential debate, no less?
