For all you Texas Bible Thumpers and Christian Nationalists, the Constitution says separation of Church and State. Get it? Oh, you want your First Amendment rights. You want your Second Amendment rights. But the rest? Well, is it convenient? Does it match what you teach at home?
What hypocrites.
Quick question while I have your attention. Christian Nationalist Wives, Trad Wives, Stepford Wives, what exactly is the difference? While you’re trying to answer that, and keeping your wife from reading the question, have her fetch me a beer. Make it American, one of those tasteless ones made with pure Rocky Mountain water. You know the kind.
And be sure to read your Bible passages from a Chinese-printed Trump Bible while you’re at it. Patriotic and hateful at the same time. Quite the achievement.
But let’s get to the real question, since you’re all so Christian, surely you know your Revelation. The Four Horsemen. The Apocalypse. The end of time as we know it.
Funny thing. It looks like we’re well underway.
Horse Number One — WAR.
There he is, over on the left, thanks to Mr. Peace himself. A war called any other name is still WAR. You may not have noticed, since it’s covered in black oily stuff and hard to grasp, and we’ve been so busy paying for it at the grocery store and the gas pump.
Horse Number Two — FAMINE.
Actually, Famine made its debut first. Looky, looky, all the children are on diets now that their SNAP benefits disappeared. Fancy that. We needed the money so WAR could make its entrance. And that’s just the children at home. Forget the children who are now dead because DOGE killed USAID. But who cares, a few USAID officials were corrupt, so the entire organization had to go, rather than fix it. Besides, that left more money for our own corrupt officials. Don’t forget Horse Number Two while you’re writing that check.
Horse Number Three — DISEASE.
Open the curtain please. Horse Number Three, introduce yourself to the American people. What’s that? Can’t hear you. Oh, Disease. That’s why your voice is so hoarse. You sound like R.F. Kennedy Jr. Yes, you’ve done a tremendous job, no vaccinations, measles running rampant, more to come. Jolly good times.
So there we are, folks. Three Horsemen accounted for.
What??? There are FOUR Horsemen?
You’re right. There are four. So who are we missing? Who are we waiting for?
That’s right.
The Pale Horse.
We are waiting for Death. I wonder how that’s going to make its entrance.
